Monday, 18 March 2013

My memory was virtually Zero...

It's now about 700 somethings, no idea what: ram, bits, MB, who knows? But it is better than nothing, or zero, take your pick, and it means my little (almost given up for dead and thrown through the window in a fit of rage) computer, is now usable again. Hurrah!


 Gremlins are in the machine again, I'm sure of it.

 For a long time now, my little ASUS Eee laptop has mournfully displayed an 'out of virtual memory' error message when ever I tried to do, well, absolutely anything with it. Why on Earth would I have such a teeny tiny laptop you ask? For travel and general skulking in cafes. Not wanting to cart my heavy and at purchase, expensive mac around, I opted for this little option, about the size of a good book, really handbag sized, and preloaded with skype and a stripped down version of MS office (MS Works?) for my travels a few years back. And of course those new fangled tablet thingies came out right after my purchase, but I digress.

 Anyhoo, after breaking a loaner laptop (it really wasn't my fault) I was forced to deal with this memory issue on the ASUS Eee. I at first believed that my little laptop was infested with viruses so I attempted to download Microsoft Essentials virus protection which first required I remove the old anti-virus software. SCARY! And wouldn't you know, the MS Essentials would not update leaving my dinky laptop in danger. Why? Zero virtual memory. Now I am not the most technical of people when it comes to fixing computers (although I did successfully manage to change the battery on my IPod with the help of Youtube), but necessity being the mother of invention, I scoured the internet for solutions until I cam across this: http://sparktrust.com/lowvirtualmemory?gclid=CNTAh6aXhrYCFabLtAodYW4A6Q.

Don't download anything.

 Just scroll down to the section entitled "How do I fix Low Virtual Memory problems?" and follow the instructions. If you have a 'normal' laptop of course, which I don't, naturally. So I couldn't find 'properties' using their step by step guide. Instead, I had to root around my files like a good old rummage in a dusty attic. However, I prevailed, found the setting that needed to be changed and no wonder I had no virtual memory - it was set to zero! More evidence of Gremlin activity if you ask me. It has been changed. I now have virtual memory. Microsoft Security Essentials has successfully updated and is now running a complete scan of my little computer. I am virus free AND my dinky laptop actually works!

 Ahhhh! I am utterly joyful. So joyful in fact that I may have to scamper off to the shops and buy a bottle of wine and a big fat CAKE in order to celebrate my glorious achievement over technology. And it's only Monday! As you know, Happy Tuesday here on Chicken Road is the day we traditionally imbibe the fruit of the vine, but today's victory must be marked; preferably with a nice bottle of Shiraz. It will help my anticipated shock when the lap top repair quotes come in for the other broken laptop that I didn't break really...

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